Help for English



I have found jokes in MP3 format. I can not understand, but it will be good jokes. You can download them here.

May you check my message please. Thank you very much.

I heard this one:

Quasimodo Levy had finally decided to retire and the Abbott placed an advert in the Church gazette for a new bell ringer. One day a man with no arms came to the church to apply for the bell ringer's position. The Abbott, being an equal opportunity employer, said he would consider the armless man for the position if he could prove he could do the job. The armless man was led to the bell tower and when Quasimodo Levy asked him to do his stuff, the man got a running start and charged face-first into the bell. A beautiful melodious tone sang through the valley. So beautiful that all the townspeople came out of their houses crying, „who rang that bell – such a sound – hire him, hire him!“
Quasimodo Levy promptly asked him to ring the bell again. The man again took a running start but unfortunately slipped and plunged over the parapet to his death.
The townspeople were aghast and one called out, „who was that man?“
Quasimodo Levy replied, „I don't know but his face rings a bell.“

Surgeon, you skipped the last part:
The next day, the dead bell ringer's twin brother comes in for the again vacant bell ringer position. He also has no arms. They lead him up to the bell tower, he runs at the bell, trips and falls to the sidewalk below.
The townspeople ask Quasimodo Levy, „Do you know him?“
Quasimodo Levy, „No, but he's a dead ringer for the guy I saw yesterday.“

Dear Iceland, we said „send cash“ not „ash.“

:-D :-D :-D

To: seqwence

To nemá chybu :-D

:-) A good one.

World's funniest joke (2002):

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, „My friend is dead! What can I do?“. The operator says „Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.“ There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says „OK, now what?“

The second place finisher and early leader was this joke, submitted by Geoff Anandappa of Blackpool:

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, and after finishing their dinner they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. „Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.“ „I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes“ exclaims Watson. „And what do you deduce from that?“ Watson ponders for a minute. „Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?“ „Watson, you idiot!“ he exclaims,
„Somebody's stolen our tent!“

Holmes and Watson – Brilliant!!! :-D
This joke is already put somewhere in other discussion, but I like it so much…:

During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password: „MickeyMinnie­PlutoHueyLoui­eDeweyDonaldGo­ofySacramento“ When asked why she had such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.

Why couldn't Cinderella be a good soccer player?

She lost her shoe, she ran away from the ball, and her coach was a pumpkin.

double meaning works in English, too :shock: :-)

Hi, you are my number one jarmi :-) :-D

BTW my daughter -when she was 6 – she used to say:
I am the first-class violinist.

„I want a natural birth, no make-up, no lip gloss, no…“

Something old-school-like:

What's the difference between a married man and a bachelor? The married man kisses the Mrs – The bachelor misses the kisses

– Young man, are you the teacher of this class?
- No, miss.
- Then don't talk like an idiot.

ericc: Great! :)

Teacher: “I hope I didn't see you looking at someone else's exam paper, Willie.”
Willie: “So do I, Miss.”

Three English language students:
“It's windy,” says the first student.
“No it isn't. It's Thursday,” says the second student.
“Me too,” says the third student. “Let's go for a drink.”


Příspěvky mohou přidávat pouze přihlášení uživatelé. Pokud máte účet můžete se přihlásit nebo se můžete přihlásit účtem na Facebooku.

Příspěvky v diskusi jsou majetkem jejich autorů. Provozovatel webových stránek Help For English za ně nenese zodpovědnost.